So many of us are tormented by the insane idea that we’re separate, disconnected beings suffering all by our little lonesome selves. I say this from experience. That’s exactly how I felt when I started my journey in Yoga, as if I was the only one in the whole wide world who felt lost and longed to find the 'right' path.
Every time you tell your story and someone else who cares bears witness to it, you turn off the body’s stress responses, flipping off toxic stress hormones like cortisol and epinephrine and flipping on relaxation responses that release healing hormones like oxytocin, dopamine, nitric oxide, and endorphins. Not only does this turn on the body’s innate self-repair mechanisms and function as preventative medicine—or treatment if you’re sick. It also relaxes your nervous system and helps heal your mind of depression, anxiety, fear, anger, and feelings of disconnection.
Recently, I have been going through some deep self reflection to understand how to better support my clients, my students and anyone who lands on this page. One thing I have realised is that I've barely scratched the surface sharing my own journey and how I got to where I am today.
My story
They say that in order to benefit fully from the healing medicine of telling your story, you must resist holding anything back. You must strip off your masks, be unapologetically you, ditch worrying about what “everybody” is going to think, and let your glorious freak flag fly.
So here it goes.
1. I always struggled with comparing myself to others and I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. Being the first of four sisters always reminded me I needed to be somehow an example, yet I couldn't shake that feeling of being in competition. Yes, how silly right? Well, we said the honest truth right...
2. I grew up thinking that I couldn’t settle for anything less than perfect, and that I needed to push myself more, achieving more, doing more and never sitting still. I thought I needed to ‘do it all’ all the time.
Trying to ‘do it all’ pushed me towards:
Resentment
An unsettling relationship with food
Lack of confidence
Lack of motivation
Physical exhaustion
Mental burnout
Everything I did wasn’t good enough:
No matter how great the opportunity was during my time in the corporate world, I would not be satisfied
I was never happy with the way I appeared physically and I would go to the extremes of over / under eating and working out. There was never a balance
Friendships and relationships felt hard to maintain as comparison was lingering and I felt lonely and often misunderstood
What shifted
We all have a breaking point in life, some experience it early on in their life (those lucky ones!), others find themselves dealing with the stereotypical 'mid-life crisis'. Does it matter when it occurs? I don't know, but what I do think that's important is to recognise it.
Mainly, it was 3 things for me:
My relationship with my partner, who taught me that I needed to love myself for who I was and learn to ignore my inner critic. He didn’t give up on me during my worst days, so why should I?
Losing a couple of friends too soon in their life made me realise I needed to stop complaining about what was wrong with me and instead start being grateful for what I did have
A class pack of Yoga lessons in a local studio
There’s always an “Aha moment”, sometimes it’s sudden and people make changes cold-turkey, other times it happens slowly. Personally, my Aha moment took roughly in 2013. I then started making loads of changes which are still an ongoing process now.
I am not wishing for anyone that losing someone close to them contributes to their Aha moment, but I can most certainly guarantee that you will have yours when you are ready to see it. A conversation with someone, a yoga retreat somewhere, a walk in the park by yourself, these can all be your shifting points. Don’t wait for a life tragedy or a sudden change to take ownership of your life.
What happened next
I quit my job, a secure and shiny corporate job that wasn’t cutting it for me anymore
I invested everything I had moving abroad to start a new life
I built a consistent yoga and meditation practice
I asked for help: I did therapy, I saw a nutritional therapist, I hired a personal trainer
I learned to slow down and find contentment
I found myself living my best life and now I am starting a new exciting chapter as I prepare to welcome our baby boy in the world
What I have learned in this process
Ultimately, you can read all the self help books in the world, but unless you do the work to understand the motivation behind the reasons for wanting to change, the shift in mindset will never happen.
Ask for help. You can absolutely do this on your own, many people have. But asking for help will only speed the process, make it more enjoyable and less lonely.
You don’t need to hit your breaking point before finding your way to happiness and fulfilment. You don’t have to wait for Monday, January or the next New Moon to start, just go for it. Baby steps, there’s no finish line and it’s certainly not a sprint.
Trying different things and not succeeding isn’t failing: it’s called work in progress and it’s exactly what you are meant to be doing.
Patience is the key, because once you let go of the ‘happily ever after’ projection of your life in an imaginary future, you actually start living every moment at its fullest.
How I feel now
I feel extremely grateful. I surely do have moments when finding things to be grateful for seems hard, but just like anything, gratitude is a practice.
Every morning I wake up and I am HAPPY, like truly happy! And from the outside, things may look completely identical to years ago (same partner, same city, same job, same friends) but inside I feel the happiest I have ever been. This is to prove how useless it is to search for happiness outside of us.
I am inspired by the people around me and I don’t find myself comparing to anyone else’s journey.
I love the job I do because I can see the enormous value when it comes to investing in happiness and fulfilment.
What's your Story?
Do you feel like you've lost your mojo? What areas of your life would you like to improve?
My mission is to empower people just like you to make their own choices to achieve optimum health and wellbeing for the long run. In my experience, I have helped confused and 'imperfect' people figure out what healthy and balanced look like in their own lives.
We must begin somewhere and perhaps your starting point is here, beginning to trust someone who cares with your story and unload the burden you've been carrying. You are not alone and I am here to support you in the best way I can.
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